I think I need a Theme Song

So I was thinking. Well, i have been for the past several weeks. I really want a theme song, so when I visualize myself crossing the finish line THAT is what will be playing in my head. Nothing like We are the Champions or anything cheesy. I want something personal. I think that the process here is really important for me, and it is a struggle to become something new.

There is an episode early in season 1 of Lost called "The Moth" where Charlie, a heroin addict and all around jerk goes through various trials, most of which are physical (withdrawal, climbing through a tiny hole into a cave, etc.). Locke explains that he (Locke) could help him, but won't (Locke has Charlie's heroin) because the process is important to Charlie's survival. Just as a moth has to struggle out of its chrysalis, so Charlie has to struggle through his cocoon of drugs and guilt and shame.

I have always loved that episode because I felt so connected to it.I have built this cocoon of fat and guilt and shame and self-loathing. I did it myself. I have blamed a lot of people and things for a lot of years but I ate every bit, put on every pound. I need to stop laying the blame at anyone else's feet, get up off my duff, and get going.

Which is hard.
But also complicated.

My fat is insulation and protection from other people. It is hard for people to get close because of it, so I am less likely to get hurt. Hearts that are never touched are rarely broken. Hearts encased in fat are rarely touched. That is just reality. It has long been my reality. I use my fat to keep people away. Now I want to get rid of the fat, but I don't think I am ready to let people close.

So it is a delicate balance. But I want to keep some people close, and I am ready to start peeling off layers. So, with that in mind I need a theme song. I want something real and personal and honest. At the moment, it is down to 2:

1.

Sadly, no video yet.
These Hard Times by needtobreathe (one of my FAVORITE groups!!!!) http://www.needtobreathe.net/music/these-hard-times/
Give me something brighter
Give me something I can see
Give me something vicious
Give me something I can be
Give me all the love and peace
To end these wars
Give me something sacred
Something worth fighting for
It's clear enough to me
The ugliness I see
Is evidence of who I need
Give me an answer
Give me a way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times
Give me motivation
Give me all my heart's desires
Show me something gorgeous
Show me till my eyes get tired
Give me all the drums and
Show me how to play them loud
Show me how to move
When I can't feel that you're around
It's clear enough to me
The ugliness I see
Is evidence of who I need
Give me an answer
Give me a way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times
We hide like thieves in shadows
Scared of the sun
We know the light will find us
Us and all we've done
Give me an answer
Give me a way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times


but then I was watching the AMA awards and I saw Whitney Houston perform.

I Didn’t Know My Own Strength

By: Whitney Houston

Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
www.musicloversgroup.com
I didn’t know my own strength

Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take

I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength

At first glance both sort of seem depressed or sad, but to me they seem victorious. They are about a journey. They say, "This is where I was, but I am not there now."

I haven't settled on either, though I lean toward These Hard Times, since WH just seems a bit overly sentimental.

More later. DD2 just woke up so it is time to walk!

So, what is YOUR theme song?