The Course

A Short Day with Many Thoughts

Since Monday was labor Day I did my 8 then, so I have only 5 today and 5 tomorrow. Then 18 on Saturday of course.

I slept in a bit and left at 5. I did 5 in 1.5 hours which is good. And honestly I felt awesome. Fit. Strong. Powerful. I never felt tired. I wasn't thirsty. I wasn't hungry. The air was cool and crisp. The morning was beautiful. I think for the first time since my not-breaking-in-new-shoes-debacle I have no new blisters.

I have no idea how I will do on the marathon, but in my life I feel great. I saw a reflection of myself yesterday and it looked like I was wearing someone else's clothes. It was my favorite shirt (which had once been fairly tight) and some capris that I could not even put on. But now they hang off me. Stan even said "that shirt you were wearing today was way too big for you."

This past weekend I was listening at church to a guest speaker who was talking about poverty. He said that there are five different types of poverty, not just fiscal poverty we think of.

He mentioned motivational poverty, and talked about people who are systemically oppressed or live lives with no hope for generations. While I am neither of those, it still rang so clear to me, that I have been there.

He was talking about why people stay in situations when our white middle-class college educated sensibilities say to pull yourself up and do something. Then he said , "These people have been crushed, their spirits. You can't motivate a crushed person. They need healing before they need motivation." and I was dumbfounded.

How many times have I wanted to change but just can't? Not don't or won't but actually can't? How many years have I wasted floundering around, wounded, miserable, *crushed*? I knew what I should do, what I needed to do and I simply couldn't. It wasn't that I *wanted* to be overweight and unfit, I was just so....trapped.

I see now that I wasn't just trapped; I was crushed. Crushed under years of criticism, mountains of judgment, heaps of failure, and mounds of isolation, guilt, and shame.

I think a big part of this whole thing for me has been healing that crushed part of myself. Healing that, then finding the motivation to finish a dream I began 10 years ago.

Portland is now so close. I don't know what it holds or the days and weeks after it. I only know that I don't want to lose what I have found in the past months. I don't want to forget the lessons or return to old habits. That is vastly more Bird by Bird than this marathon prep has been, but I always want to feel the way I did on my walk this morning.

September 7, 2010

Good news! Today I found out that the hotel in Lima has a "great gym" and a three mile outdoor running track. Yeah! I am thrilled to find this out.

Over the weekend I did 16, my last "long" run. I will have to run 12 several times while in Peru, but with a running track, I am now not so worried.

One interesting thing I wanted to let you guys know about is a possible solution to the water retention in the hands that I know two of us have. Have you seen those "arm warmers" that people wear. Dorky, yes, but functional I thought and I got a pair. Well, guess what else they do??? The pair I got is really tight and when I wear them they act like compression bands and my hands do not swell up. Its genius. They are a tad uncomfortable on the upper arm, but 100% better than swollen hands!

16 part 3

Finally have time to post!  

I did my third 16 this past Saturday.  For the first 12 I felt great , but then my blister was just really bothersome.  But, other than that I felt strong and confident.  I actually had a better finish time than the previous weeks.  

I am thinking that there must come a point when I can no longer get a blister in the same darned spot. Anxiously awaiting that, in fact. 

I got up at 2 and it was cool and clear.  In fact it was quite beautiful, and I felt great to be the only one out for most of the morning.  

If I am totally honest I am a little scared of 18.  I don't know why.  It is not much past 16, which I have done 3 times.  It is some sort of mental block I guess.  And my project for the week.  Prepare for a strong 18. :-)

Remember this Dorothy?

Just looking back at old posts and thought I would share these to remind you how far you've come in UNDER ONE YEAR!

1) 11/3/09 "27:39. 1 mile in almost 28 minutes."

2)2/24/10 "Walked 20 minutes at 2.2. It felt good to stretch out my hurt leg but by the end it was shaky. I think I can build back up pretty rapidly."

3) 3/19/2010 "I went 6 laps (1.5 miles) in 25.25. And it felt awesome!! It is nice to have the treadmill as a backup but I am glad I have found a good outdoor option!"

4) 4/14/2010 "But as of today I am down 30 pounds.I am wearing some capris that have not fit in a long time. "

5) 5/13/2010 "4 miles, 1 stop to restart the iPod (in the backpack), 1 stop to fix my insole (soaking wet it was all bunched in the middle of the shoe), 16 Mentos, 1:11:23

I felt:

Wet

Invigorated

Committed

Focused
Commited"

6)So, 7 miles, 2:01!! I felt pretty good, though now I am a bit stiff. And, above everything, I proved my commitment level to myself. Whatever it takes, as long as I *can* finish, I will.

Only 40 days until Portland! Woo Hoo! What a ride it's been!

August 29, 2010

And today was 20 for me. It really shouldn't have been, but i moved it up to try to get the long ones out of the way before I head to Peru.

The walk/run today was very good. I am not sure exactly why it was so much better than last week, but it was. I walked the first 7 miles as fast as I could (remember "power walking" - give me leg warmers and I was in the 80s) and started to run at mile 7 and didn't stop until 19 1/2, when I walked a bit to stretch my legs. I was able to consistently run for 13 miles. At mile 13 I felt awesome, at mile 19, not so awesome, but I still felt consistent. And the shocker?? I finished in 4:22, just about exactly the same as last week when I did 18. I was really surprised, but shouldn't have been I guess. It just felt different.

I drank only one bottle of water and had no stomach upset. I think the success may be tied to shorter runs during the week - before the 18 I had pounded out 22 miles running during the week. This week I walked (not ran) exactly what the training plan recommends (13 miles) and I think I was just less exhausted. I will also confess that I wore tennis shoes at work this past week - my feet just hurt too much for dress shoes. I think that helped too.

So....good news.

Portland is coming, but we will be ready.

Hobbitfoot

Boy, if you thought I had Hobbitfeet before, look out!  In all seriousness my blisters have blisters.  No joke.  I have a couple of spots where an existing blister developed a blister under it. Aack!  I am SO regretting wearing new shoes for my long day!  But HOPEFULLY I will be all blistered out by October.  Surely there are no new spots where they can develop.  But I keep surprising myself on that.

16, take 2

Yesterday was MUCH better.  I went earlier, finished before it was hot and sunny. I was no faster, but I finished with my self-respect still intact.  

I made sure to take Mentos.

I filled the CamelBak, but only took minor sips until I was sweating (trying to avoid bathroom breaks).

I had a new book to listen to and music as backup if necessary.

Plus it was my second stab at 16.

I was pretty pleased.

Next weekend is 16 again, then 2 at 18 (my longest ones).

We are so close I can feel Portland breathing down my neck!!

my weight issues lately

UGH! I was really doing good buying, eating, tracking all the right foods on SP and working out...for awhile..and nothing happened with the number on the scale. So I quit all that and took down my ticker and decided that's not what this was about for me anyway.
Now, I wonder if that was just my way of quitting. I tried, I failed, I got frustrated, then just changed my goals to suit myself.
I generally eat good anyway: Low meat, dairy, and fast food; lots of fruits and veggies. So I've been just consciously trying to make good choices and keep walking.
BUT...BP (bless his skinny bones) makes comments that really hurt my feelings. And when I say something about it, he says he's just kidding or that I know it's true anyway or just get mad. Example you ask? ok...
-He'll grab my love handles and say that I didn't used to have them when we first started dating. (which isn't true..they were smaller though)
-Or he'll comment on my "ghetto booty shakin" or my "thick @$$" (but then try to say don't worry, he likes it.)
-Or one morning he got this weird look on his face and upon closer inspection of my skin gave a sigh of relief. I asked what it was about, and he said he thought he saw new stretch marks.
-Or about how I'm not exactly a 'little girl'.
-....the list could go on and on. I don't think he means it maliciously.
For one, he's a little guy (as guy standards go) -but I don't constantly make comments about it. Second, he's an ex-athlete, so he has fairly high fitness standards.
Third, a LOT of the girls in the area are what I would call small girls. I think I was average height and weight at my high school, but up here for some reason, there seems to be an above average number of tiny girls-short and very thin-so maybe he's used to that standard. I don't know.
It just wears on me sometimes, and lately it's REALLY been wearin!
I know I'm not "fat" but I have some weight I want to loose (and can't seem to). I'm on the verge of shopping in the plus sizes, and I don't like how I look naked. ...But all in all (if not for his comments) I'm pretty comfortable with myself. You know, could be better---could be worse.
Of course now that I'm back in school and will be spending a lot of time sitting in my chair studying...it will probably get worse. ...I guess the bright spot is at least there's a good chance I'll have a job and can support myself when I graduate next June. (In case it's over with BP)
I just had to get it off my chest I guess. I don't know. ..

Dear Dorothy,

about your Dr visit...
I agree with Rose that it shouldn't be a problem to take the girls if with you if a situation arises out of your control. After the way we grew up, I'm all for talking to kids and teaching them about real world things and not sheltering them. I'm very glad you rescheduled and went! I know it took a lot of guts!
BUT...I think you're doing really good so far! Over 50 lbs now...on your own! (I see the ticker is back up)
I find it interesting that she said that about dairy. I learned about dairy's bad side when I was learning all about the raw food way. I love cheese, and have cut way back on it as a result. Just a thought... I have noticed that you guys eat a lot of pasta too. I LOVE pasta and bread, but my body does not. I would weigh a lot more if I ate it as much as I would like to. So, perhaps cutting back on that would help too.
It will be interesting to see what the nutrition lady says though. Do keep us posted.
And congrats on finally telling someone about the marathon! VERY brave! I'm glad you got positive feedback from your boss. :) ...does this mean I can advertise our blog on facebook now? hahaha j/k But I DO wear my shirt and people DO read it! ;-)

Thyroid

Rose's post (a few posts ago) made me think of this...
Dorothy is right. I do have a low thyroid that I'm supposed to take meds for. I've been a sleepy person since at least high school and have never thought much about it. It takes me a bit longer than some people to fully wake up in the morning. I love long naps in the middle of the day and easily fall asleep after a good lunch. And I usually fall asleep easily at night by midnight or so.
But when I was accepted into the competitive x-ray program and rumors of my sleeping through class came back around and BP found out, I was in hot water. A Dr. apt was made and blood work was drawn and the results were that I tested positive for hypothyroidism. Dr gave meds and they seemed to work for awhile, but then some days I would still fall asleep, and some days I couldn't sleep at night, so I started taking melatonin for that...so after school finished, I quit taking them.
Well a few weeks ago when ultrasound clinic started I ultrasounded myself for hours on end to try to learn. And I did my thyroid, my bosses, and a patients, and was amazed at the difference between them all! My thyroid looks like crap! I can't believe it, and almost have a hard time describing it. A normal/good thyroid is pretty light gray (on the screen), smooth edges, and consistent texture. Mine is hideous! It's ..ratty looking. Like someone drug it across a gravel parking lot. It's dark gray and has a bunch of small cysts all through it. I was pretty much horrified and now have a complex about it. lol But it got me to start taking my meds again. Even on the days I can't tell a difference, it's probably for the best. Whatever my poor little thyroid is making...can't be much, or of any good. So, the next time you get blood work done, ask to have them check your thyroid hormone too!

Still here in the background :)

As you may have noticed, I haven't posted in awhile, but I've been here, checking in, reading your posts and gathering thoughts and posts in my head, but never finding time to get them down...until now. :) I hope I can remember everything...so to make it easier/more coherent, I'm going to do separate posts for each subject.

It was VERY awesome to see you guys a couple of weekends ago while you were in the midwest for the wedding festivus. I wish I could have walked with you, but at the same time, I'm glad you guys at that time alone. Also, I'm still not a morning walker...or a morning person for that matter, so I wouldn't have been good company.

I told Dorothy, but not Rose yet...that the other day I was writing everything on my school calendar and double checking flight dates and such when I realized that I had bought two tickets for the flight home and NONE for the flight out. PROBLEM! So I called Southwest and they were SUPER helpful and had it straightened out in less than five minutes! So all is ok, but I panicked. Luckily seats were still available on the flight out that I needed and I got a full refund for my extra ticket!

Everything is going well and on track. (knock on wood)

A Quick Thought

This morning I opened my eyes--just before the alarm--at 4:07. I rolled out if bed, got dressed, tied my shoes, had a swig of Gatorade, and reassured myself that the morning is cool and it is a short day; I only have to go 5. I did it with very little thought, appreciating the cool breeze and the clear view of Orion's Belt.

It is still hard for me to believe that going 5 miles is a quick, short, easy morning. I think back to that first exhausting 20 minutes on the treadmill at 2mph. I know I went 5 miles this morning, but in reality I have gone so very much farther than that.

Now, Someone Knows

I have officially told my first person outside of our circle (and my Dr, who doesn't count) about the marathon.

I walked in to work, and realized I had not logged off at my computer, which is not a big deal at all.  My boss sat down at my desk since he needed to write something down.  After a bit he asked what the countdown was for, and I realized that he could see the countdown ticker on my desktop. 

On my sucky 16 mile walk I spent the last 2 or 3 miles talking to myself so frankly I had just practiced it.  So I casually said "I am doing the Portland Marathon."  He was *totally* shocked. He asked some questions about distance and such. "26.2 miles! Wow!" He even said that he had noticed something looked different about me.  That was code for "I knew you had lost weight but didn't want to ask" which felt great.  I even told him I had gone 8 miles that morning. More shock.  I could have told him I secretly had a third arm growing out my back and it might have been a similar response. 

However, he was super supportive, enthusiastic to say the least. He said he would buy me dinner if I finished, and congratulated me several times on the mere effort. It was almost like I could see his respect for me increase a couple of notches, which is neat because we have known each other a very long time and are fairly solid in our relationship.  Surprising him is not easy.  But, in all honesty, he is hyper-fit, and I think he has always, at some level, seen my level of unfitness as a weakness--not just physically. 

So, now the word is out. At least a bit. And it was a lot easier than I thought. :-)

Much improved

This morning was great. I had done 5 on Monday, and my blisters were still a problem, though not killer. By today they are almost not at issue. I noticed that my feet felt good in my new shoes, really for the first time.

It was 58 degrees! 81% humidity, but 58 is so much better than 85. It really is amazing the difference. When I brushed against my arm at one point it actually felt chilled. Which is really a great feeling.

I also have a different shirt. The last one was supposed to be "wicking" but was cotton, which, as we know, is of the devil. It didn't wick; it just absorbed. And rubbed against my arm leaving these little black splinter type things. I finally broke down and bought a shirt though I wasn't sure if it would fit. It did --yay!-- and it is a much better shirt.

I remembered to bring my Mentos, which was nice. I have misplaced my CamelBak bladder, so I didn't take it, but in the cool morning it wasn't a problem.

I also noticed my watch is messing up. I had to push the button repeatedly to mark a lap. This does NOT make me happy, since that is how I keep track of laps and I don't want to have to pay attention to it or it draws my focus.

All in all a great morning, even if I did get up at 3:00.

And I am surprised by how easy 8 is. That was once my long walk and now it is a Wednesday morning. Awesome.

And now, some similar thoughts on 18

August 23, 2010

So, I did 18 on Sunday. Some similar thoughts on 18:

1. It took 4:23. Longer than I had hoped. I ran about 13 of the 18 miles and so it was slowwww. I don't feel so great about that, but it was the best I could put together. When I ran I ran very consistently and felt strong, it was the walking that was bad. I was so slow when I walked and couldn't find a good pace. Eventually I got frustrated and just ran. I shudder to think how long this would have taken at that slow walking pace.

2. I have ditched the camelbak. I think that maybe that is what is making me sick when I drink the water while running/walking. I wore a belt and water bottle with real Gatorade in it and all was "normal" with the GI tract (avoding TMI, but maybe you get my drift here). Problem is that this was not enough water, so I think I will take an extra Gatorade packet and fill it up at one of the water fountains next time.

3. It was so obvious during this run how much harder it is to walk/run mile 18 then mile 1. After the run I felt sick, I was exhausted and feverish. I pretty much felt awful. But, by the evening I felt okay.

4. I have figured out a solution to try to get in my long runs before I leave for Peru. I am going to switch up some of the weeks. I will do 20 this weekend and then hopefully 18 the weekend after. That will leave me starting my taper before I depart. This training plan had called for two 20 milers, but I think I will cut one back to 18. If all goes well, I will do 10-12 the Thursday I leave, so I have done most of the long miles before I go. I know the hotel has a fitness center, so some running is probabaly doable. Not ideal, but I will get the long miles in.

We are getting closer!!!

Some thoughts on 16

Thoughts and reflections

(I am sure I will forget some)

1: I finished 16; it wasn't pretty , but I did it. Actually up to 9 I was on fire. Then because of the nature of my route I stopped at 9 (2 minutes max) to drink a bottle of Gatorade. After that--I almost think the stopping was part of it, at least psychologically-- I felt like I had walked a million miles.

2. But I finished!

3. I got new shoes: Saucony Progrid Hurricane 11. I got an awesome deal on Amazon and they fit really well.

4. Rose was *totally* right. I should have broken them in first. I told myself I got blisters anyway but these are totally new blisters. Ugh. My body felt better but my feet are in a sorry state.

5. I went farther today than I ever have! Back when I first started training *cough* 10 years ago *cough* I went 14 and got injured. So I am officially in new territory. And it is great!

6. I soaked my legs in an ice bath, and it felt AWESOME!

7. I must wear the Camelbak or bring bottles or something. Even if I have to pee.

More later

8. TMI warning!  I have been draining my blisters and I *think* they will be OK to go 5 at a respectable pace Monday morning.  

Went to the Dr.

Actually, the nurse practitioner. ;-)  Same thing though, in my mind.

But I went. This was my rescheduled appointment. I sat in my car rehearsing what to say. I sat in the waiting room practicing. I sat in the exam room rehearsing.  Then the nurse asked if an intern could come in too.  I panicked and said I would rather not.  If I couldn't talk to her, how could I do so with an intern?!?!

So, she came and chatted, and I think she could tell something was up.  I started in on my memorized script, she patiently listened, asked questions, took notes.  She was impressed with the whole marathon thing and asked questions about it too.  Then we talked about a plan.

1.  She recommended I eat no cheese.  At all.  She could tell I retain water and boy do I swell when I walk.  She said cheese really contributes to this.  It also contributes to inflamation, and I have had my share of that with my knees. (actually no dairy, but cheese is pretty much my dairy).

2.  She wants me to see a dietitian.  There is one who has gotten great results at the new Hy-Vee, so I am going to record my food faithfully for a couple of weeks, then go see her.  

3.  She gave me a perscription for something that is supposed to improve my metabolism.  She was curious about the fact that I do so much activity and haven't lost anything in 2 months. It is a short term thing, I go back in a week for a BP/weight check, then in 3 weeks to see how things go.  

We actually had a great talk and I felt really good about it.  I am now going BACK into SparkPoeple to begin faithfully recording food.  The big thing is going to be eating high protein, no cheese.  Aack!  That is going to take some planning.  I already went to the store and got some stuff.  I will be interested to see if this gets me off the plateau on which I seem to not only be resting but appear to have built a house.

August 17, 2010

Well ladies, it was WONDERFUL to see both of you last weekend. After our walk on Sunday morning I am pretty confident we will make it - my hurting hip and all.

I got back to it this morning, but was so tired and worn out that I couldn't run the distance I planned. So, I walked/ran (but did NOT jog) 8 miles. I felt really really weary, but I got it done.

Today when I got into work, I got great news, but news that fouls up my marathon plans. My training TDY came through and I am headed to Peru for three weeks - right smack dab in the middle of the training. I will be gone from September 9th - October 1st. I will have to check my schedule tonight to see how much this will mess everything up, because I am going to presume I am not going to do 20 mile runs in Lima, although I haven't really looked into it and maybe its perfectly doable.

I suppose I didn't have to do a training plan that had two 20 mile runs anyway, so maybe I can trim that down. I can also have a longer taper...I need to look into it. BUT, I am doing Portland one way or another. I am also staying at a Marriott, which presumably has a gym.

So...I am going to try to salvage as much as a I can and go from there!